Maybe it’s that time of month again, or maybe it’s almost May 1st, or maybe I’m just broken. I have some good days for a good period of time where I’m feeling good. But lately, I’m just not feeling good enough.
I let things build up. Things explode a little. I lay low for a while. Back to normal. Repeat. One of my worst habits. I don’t enjoy talking about anything in particular and especially not my feelings because I feel confronted all the time. If there is one thing I love, it’s to avoid conflict. On most days, I don’t even like talking about other people’s feelings because I don’t know how to deal. I don’t know what to say. I give awkward emoticon hugs that look like high fives.
Not good enough as a friend. Not good enough as a daughter. Not good enough as a girlfriend. Not good enough in sports. Not good enough in life. Not good enough.
The strangest thing? I feel good enough for myself. But, I feel as if there is this splinter dug deep into my back in that one area my hands can’t reach. A splinter that makes me doubt whether or not I really am good enough because I need to be good enough for someone else. And as much as I know that I shouldn’t care about how others think of me, the reality is that it matters. It matters a little, and that little bit is all it takes. /thoughts