It’s almost midnight on New Year’s Eve and I can’t help but think, “Thank God”. This year has been terrible. This last month has been terrible. I would like to try and focus on the good, but I can’t because only the bad comes to mind.

Here’s to a better 2015. I hope. ok bye!

IMG_20141220_093352“Gonna go down for work clothes,” says I. After so many shopping trips down south, I should know by now that gym clothes will always out number all other purchases. I have enough outfits to gym 2 times a day, 7 days a week.

I love my Nike. I love contrasting my darks with neon. I love my yellows and anything with yellow trim. Lately, I’ve been buying a lot of sports bras. I don’t even know why I have so many when no one really sees it. I suppose it’s all a part of the motivation package. Everything I put on must make me feel good. When I feel good, it will be a good gym day.

Gym clothes aside, I did bring back a lovely J Crew Camp Shirt that I’m absolutely in love with. I tried an XS on with the intention of buying it for a friend. If it fits tight on me, it would fit her. But then it fit me perfectly. I don’t really know what makes me happier… The fact that I fit into an XS or the fact that I now have a lovely shirt. I’ll try harder next time to actually get work clothes. ok bye.

EDIT: I took out my new J Crew shirt, and it is actually XXS. I think I might just faint.

It is one of the worst feelings in the world. You don’t know what will happen. You don’t know when it will happen. You don’t know how it will happen. You don’t know where it will happen. You don’t know anything. It just happens.

And the aftermath is not much better. You go to sleep hoping it’s a dream and wake up to the fact that it’s not. Life changes on you and you have to react and adjust accordingly. Stress. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Worry.

The takeaway from all of this? It could have been worst.

It’s rather interesting how different a person can act around the people they care about. Is it just me?

You have all these words, thoughts and feelings that often never get expressed because you worry about the effect it will have. Perhaps I’m too patient or a bit too easy going. I try to be as accommodating as possible on most days. I try to compromise and exhaust all possible options before anyone needs to make a sacrifice. Ok, ‘sacrifice’ might be a bit strong of a word, but you catch my drift.

I don’t expect people to understand why I value the things I value. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own reasons. And not everyone will see eye to eye. I just accept it, respect it and work around it. There’s no need to make it a spectacle.

I know I’m a perfectionist, but even so, I realize that life’s too short to be stressed out about every little thing that doesn’t work out to be perfect. Life isn’t meant to be perfect. Regardless the situation, life will be whatever you make it out to be. Just be thankful. Be thankful that there are at least options for people like us no matter how ideal it is or not. /thoughts.

I have a tough shell. I’m extremely skeptical when it comes to meeting new people. It makes me a bit anti-social, but whatever. If we get along, we get along. If we don’t, then I’m just quiet and reserved.

Don’t get me wrong though. I can meet new friends. But I honestly don’t need a whole lot of them in my life. The close ones I do have already, they are keepers forever. They are the ones you try to always make time for, but they are also the ones who don’t let distance or time change your relationship. They are the ones I can count on, the ones I can share secrets with, the ones who won’t give me shit for not wanting to go somewhere or do something. They let you be who you are and they won’t judge you. It’s nice to never have to worry about keeping a wall up with them. It’s okay to let your guard down for a bit. It’s nice.

It’s weird how much of an impact habits can have on relationships.

You think a certain way, act a certain way, and talk a certain way. Friends and family who have been around you for years think they know you. Truth is… no one knows you. They know who you are to them and what you mean to them, but they do not know you. They know the little things that will probably never change; like how you don’t like carrots or how you always pick the items from the back in grocery stores. To really know someone takes a lot of time and effort. Time and effort that not everyone has because let us be serious… everyone has to look out for themselves first.

People always change. They have to. It’s a part of life. Some change quickly, others slowly. Some don’t change at all until they are faced with no other option. Some don’t even realize that they’ve changed until it’s brought to their attention.

I absolutely hate change. This is no secret. But that doesn’t mean I can’t. For the past few weeks, I’ve seen how my habits have impacted the people I love. It’s enough to make me try harder and be better. I just need those I love to try with me and be patient with me; to accept me through all of my weird stages. And if they don’t… well then it’s like the saying goes, ‘Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.’ ok bye.

I used to blog without fear. I used to blog with the intent to get things off my chest. And for quite some time now, blogging has been my biggest fear. I’m scared to voice my thoughts. I’m scared to let people in. I’m scared to expose too much of myself.

I think the one thing I’m scared of the most is voicing thoughts that will be met with nothing but a defensive wall. The world has become a hub of stubborn individuals. No one says ‘sorry’ anymore. No one takes the time to appreciate. And the one thing I’ve noticed for a while now is the lack of compassion, consideration, and understanding.

I am not going to be modest at all when I say that the world could probably use more people like me. People who make an effort to not say something wrong or have something come out sounding the wrong way. But what I’ve learned is that you can never find the right words. Your best bet is to just become a mute. No one cares for your efforts.

Yes. The world is not fair. The world is full of haters. Internet trolls that tell you to go die and broadcast it on stream. It’s a god awful world we live in. I may say ‘sorry’ a lot, but I’d rather be that person who apologizes whether I was right or wrong than be someone who starts a fire in a forest without any intent of putting it out.

That’s why you’re in a locker full of hurt. The enemy within and all the fires from your friends. The best medicine’s to probably just let it win.

It’s a strange feeling.

I’m not exactly sure how to explain it. I guess it sort of feels like a relationship. The beginning is always exciting and once you’ve made that decision to commit, you want to do everything you can to ensure it succeeds. Yes, there are obstacles and there will be problems, but when you’ve established that bond, it’s not easy to just pack up and leave. Abort ship. You do what you can to make it work. And, if in the end it isn’t enough, well… you have to move on.

I’m sad and I’m excited. Perhaps more sad than excited at the moment, but like the end of all relationships… this is a normal feeling. Things will look up and I’ll be excited again. ok bye.

The one thing I try not to do is using the excuse of “being a girl”.

I can see why it would be frustrating for any guy when their girl goes off on a mood swing run. It can’t be fun dealing with the ups and downs of their emotional states, especially during that T.O.M. But the stereotype exists for a reason right? The same reason why guys can’t help but pop a boner every so often is the same reason why girls can’t help but get all emotional over certain things. I tried doing some quick research to look for academic journals on the study of men versus women, but it started to feel like school, so I stopped. That, and also because most abstracts say that despite some scientific reasons proving girls are more emotional, a huge chunk is still unknown. Mainly because lifestyle plays a huge role.

This makes me wonder if personality really is as important as everyone makes it out to be for relationships. You are who you are because of your lifestyle and how you grew up. I’m not saying that two people need to have common interests to make it work, but more about finding that other half with common values. And what happens when you don’t have common values? Is it inevitably a lost cause?

I’d like to think not. In fact, I think sometimes there is a lot to learn from being with someone with different interests and values than yourself. The question is whether or not these two people have it in them to accept the differences and walk through it with each other. /end random thoughts